Travel with Practice

I travel a lot.

I have traveled a lot. 

My movement around this world has slowed but once in a while I still visit a far off place and some not so far off places. Throughout I can keep up with ashtanga because it travels well. I know in the Hatha Yoga Pradipika it says to limit travel but it’s so easy nowadays. It can be draining though. It’s a challenge. Unexpected happenstance shows up hindering progression. A magic moment makes it all worth it. And the breadth of knowledge gained by doing. Sounds like practice. Oh practice. Asana, now that’s a challenge for me to keep up with on the road. It’s a little easier with ashtanga. A little easier for me knowing my and having a practice.

Finding an ashtanga studio is relatively easy. We even have a working one in Asheville, www.ashtangayogaasheville.com. 

I’m on holiday. I get the feeling that I would like to do my practice at a dojo and have a look-see on the internets. Results follow. Maybe there’s no dedicated ashtanga only studio but that word ashtanga will probably pop up. Most of the time a class labeled ashtanga means we know what we’re getting. A led class. It would be better to see “led primary” or something similar but not everything is laid out on a silver platter. A class could have differences than a “normal” led class. I look for words like “based on,” “mixed,” “inspired.” These terms mean the class will deviate from the counted series. Doesn’t mean they’re bad but just know what you’re stepping into. Don’t judge them when it’s not what you expected. Truly it’s all ashtanga. Ashtanga means a way towards yoga not primary and the rest of the series. The series are great sequences of asana that have had time to be studied and refined. Other sequences can be just as good or even more pinpointing a specific area than primary. I do like knowing what I’m getting into with a yoga class though. Especially if I’m new to the studio and teacher. They don’t know me. I don’t know them.

Get to introduce myself. Tell them about myself, my decade long practice. Ugg, I don’t like talking about myself. Feels like gloating. But, this simple intro prepares everyone for some ailment I my or may not have, my experience level, my devotion, a bit of insight to why I might be doing yoga. All that personal shit. It’s nice. A little human connection before practice. That’s yoga, connection as one in all sorts of situations. Led class, Flow Missile Flower Power Class, or Mysore.

Oh yeah the real score, seeing mysore classes on a schedule. When you need just a hint of motivation and not a fix like led class. Mysore, I can do my practice. I can do me. Still an introduction is necessary. Maybe know way you would like to do first, second, third, fourth, or whatever you may be practicing that day. Most of the time I keep it simple for everyone and just practice first for my first time at a studio. Talking with the teacher before class should work out what would be appropriate to practice. Sometimes I simply just need a spot and don’t want the attention of the teacher. I still respect their space and stick to the “traditional” series as I know them. Not adding something because I feel like it but just trying to stay on the same page as everybody. Not disrupting the class and the regulars. Already having a new person show up out of nowhere can be distracting to some students.

Such a nice atmosphere a mysore class provides. A space one can just fall into and fit into. Just like doing asana. Moving the body in more and more awkward and complicated positions to bring comfort in all situations. Like traveling. Seeing more and more to get comfortable with all the differences on this planet. To see that we live in different places but are all moving towards the same goals. Learning the more I see the less I know and that’s a good feeling. A fulfillment only felt while stepping out of the norm. Plus going to a studio usually means you won’t have to practice on filthy hotel carpet or rocks on a sandy slant. 

But, I have a high tolerance for uncomfortable and don’t really like driving places in the early morning when on holiday. Because I know my practice I can just sleep in, lay out my mat on the filth, and practice. On my own. For myself. Wherever I can. Whenever I can. Yoga practice is constant. Asana practice can be situational. Travel safe and bring your practice with you.

Brahmacarya

Last time on Yama Yoga Blog: Asteya reminded us of all the things we steal and a small bit about letting go and allowing freedom to happen. A freedom found through true purpose. Asteya, non-stealing. Need a refresher? Treat yourself to a reread of any of the blog posts. Then, continue your journey towards Yoga. “Atha Yoganusasanam.” 

Fourth yama! Brahmacarya…

This post will have sex in it. Time to bring on the clicks. 

Brahmacarya, continence, chastity, moderation. But this is a compound word. Two words put together to make a bigger more meaningful one. Word one, carya. The wonderful word carya brings motion. Meanings from activity, conduct, and behavior to wandering, walking about, and visiting. Word two, brahma. Brahma, the egotistical god that we do not worship because he does enough of that to himself. Thankfully, not the brahma we’re speaking of here. This is the greater brahma. The supreme, the absolute, the ultimate form, true legendary super saiyan. The thing that can’t be more for it is all. 

Brahmacarya, chastity or wandering with the absolute. 

“Brahamcarya pratisthayam viryalabhah.” “By one established in continence, vigor is gained.”*

Self control and knowing when you should give energy and know when you need to hold back. Keeping a store of power till just the right moments. Preserved energy aligns into creative energy, prana, mind clear so correct action can be taken. You build up a reserve waiting for the right time to burst forth and complete a necessity. 

But I said there would be talk of sex. Good old penetration…Well maybe not that graphic. We must take into account the progress of existence. Things change. We have the means to help prevent disease. The life and death gamble of childbirth skews more and more on the side of life. Slowly, even Americans, people start talking about sex in a normal way. Like with all old texts their words must be looked upon in the age we live in now. This is not permission to do as you please but permission granted to ask and understand the others wishes. And respect them. Consent stays viable and consent can change at any moment. No still means no, nein, nie, non, ei, tidak(?), etc. Brahmacarya, respect sex.

But we all know that, right? Correct. 

What about the deeper meaning? The reality of brahmacarya, Love. Not losing your seed on everyone you meet. Not bowing to every hard body. For love reaches beyond the physical. Love perseveres without contact. Show love without performance. Not like a vampire. They fain love to quench their thirst of circumstance. Draining us of blood, vitality. Themselves never satiated. They fall into the same pattern of false love that never completes them but only continues the search for victims. Leaving the victim will-less and unmotivated to pursue a life of true fulfillment just like the vampire. The vampire has tricked themselves and the victim into thinking they have received what they deserved. Blinded to true love. Love like a family offers. Love that a friend gives. Love of that special person that need only be present. Do as that supreme does. Move through life with higher purpose. Let that supreme guide you. That supreme that is you. That supreme that is everyone, everything. Provide love without theft, asteya. Without lies, satya. Without harm, ahimsa. 

Move as the ultimate self would move. Intention in each step. Result with each stride. 

Brahmacarya does not mean we should never have sex. Sex is a wonder and Shiva would never restrict that for there is no Shiva without Shakti. Walk on and love. 

I struggle also. Everyday I fight to have love for everything. To forgive everything. To not fall back into hate. Not that we have to like everyone but love them for sure. 

*Just a note. The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali from Swami Satchidananda rest near me when I write these brief glimpses into living.

Post-Apocalyptic Depression

Post-Apocalyptic Depression

Venturing into my mind I came across reason. I’ll start a few steps before the revelation. I experience bouts of depression from time to time, an unwieldy feeling. A feeling that can not be shook by anyone telling you to feel better or how well life might be at the moment. The thoughts come, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” “life’s fine,” “you should be happy.” Depression don’t care about your life situation. So, there’s that. Then there’s my enjoyment of the post-apocalyptic genre. Think an ancient junkyard in the desert backed by an industrial metal soundtrack. Or simply zombies. There are many ways an apocalypse happens, nature reclaims what is hers, a life ending meteor collides with the planet, mythical beasts, mythical gods. So many. As much as I would like I didn’t start writing this to talk about different apocalyptic scenarios. I came here to talk about why I enjoy them. I think it has something to do with survival and the few options I would have to survive. 

No matter your world changing event the theme of surviving runs through them all. There might be a break from time to time but life in the apocalypse focuses on the basic needs to continue. Everyday the plan is to survive to the next one. Or not, the choice to stop is an option. Losing your mind and persisting through sheer luck, I guess, could happen. Sometimes that what this life feels like. I’ll stick with trying to live for this essay. Each day is set up for me in my changed world. Last night’s raid from the Broker Clan left me with a leaky canteen and the can of beans I’ve had since the beginning. Great! Guess I know what I’ll have to do today. Survive. Maybe I’ll find food. Maybe shelter. Maybe those assholes that stole my stuff. 

I’m not thinking about if I’m in the correct job. If I’m managing my time correctly to some idealized way of living a fulfilling life. I want water, food, shelter and if I have to fight everyday for it all the better. My days are occupied. I don’t have to think about if what I’m doing is what I should be doing. I must live. No marauders, zombies, or mutants will stand in my way. I have to navigate the wind swept wilds, the aggressive vegetation, the now haunted cities. I have the basic daily routine laid out for me everyday. The method to get through the day may change from encounter to encounter. That goal, though, is always survive. Not failing at marketing myself because I’m self-employed.  

I like routine. It provides focus. It helps me to think less. It helps me continue and feel I have a purpose. Without a bit of discipline I would curl into a little ball and suffer through my never ending thoughts of how I should be better. Please, octupy me routine. This is a large reason I took so quickly to ashtanga vinyasa yoga. It requires discipline to advance. It requires routine to stay consistent and advance. There are more selfish reason why I liked ashtanga also but that can be in a different essay. 

Practice became one of the things in my life that I can fall into and feel the feels of doing something that requires attention. That occupies my mind. That levels out the fluctuations of thought. Much like my wasteland routine would. 

Check for danger, check the supplies, drink, eat, find supplies, sleep safely. You know the things you would do. Maybe a practice when I can. I’ll meet people that the sun hasn’t burnt their mind to madness and we could become a community. Who am I kidding? Maybe I meet two others and the three of us try to survive together. Maybe an unravaged grocery store lurks a block down the road. The pickup parked in front of it maybe has gas. Maybe there are as many questions as ever. The world as we know it dies and maybe I’m the same? Even if we think this is a place to start over from zero. Maybe falling into a routine gives me the time to think about other things because the routine becomes mundane. It becomes automatic and unthinking. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m right. Maybe these are the ramblings of a mad man. What’s this waste-world doing to me! Everyday’s a fight for survival. Everyday I kid myself. Telling myself, “I know what I have to do.” It’s exactly like the old life. I’m just trying to survive. It’s exactly like the old world. Nothings better just by thinking about how it could be.

Some days in the “real” world are hard. Too many options. Is my job good for me? If I quit it am I a failure? Am I failing others and myself? Should I just start over? What’s this all for!? Survival? Sure doesn’t feel like it but I guess that’s what we’re all doing. Everyday just working towards life. Some kind of life. Is it what we make of it? Why doesn’t it feel like it? 

If I’m bitten by the living dead let me wonder for a day or so then put one in my head. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s day by eating them or their loved ones. 

Wait a minute. Being a zombie does have its appeals now that I’m thinking about it. Don’t have to sleep; breath; drive; occupy myself with entertainment, thoughts, faith, others. Just rot away and seek the flesh of the living. 

Travel and eat. Sounds alright. Don’t shoot me. Let me bite you. We can all be zombies and just rot away nicely all congregated in places that left such deep impressions on us in our living time that we return to them till a warm food walks by or time returns us to the soil. 

Alas. As most things end up upon discussing them and writing about them clarity happens. Everything in the end turns out to be so similar it makes me angry. Seeking a better time by thinking “if this then happy” is bullshit. Going to work or rummaging through a half burnt house to find supplies are both things we do to survive. Wandering around in search of human flesh to satiate some “need” that I don’t even need to survive. Turns out it’s just a want. All this is just a want. That grass seems greener on the other side of the electric fence baring entrance into that company building I’m sure hides treasures. 

It seems so much more fulfilling when there’s bombastic adventure. Mundane tasks become monumental events. And, in the end I do the same things as before. Tasks become tasks. Their mundaneness depends on the situation. In that other dimension where I’m surviving after the catastrophe am I thinking about how much better it would be to get food from a store and drive to work. To garden and not worry about the killer robots matching through the sweet potato bed to remove my limbs from my body. To have the time to think about these things and know that I can make popcorn at anypoint. That I’m not being present in my current life and when I’m not present I can’t spot the constant joys around me. Maybe? I don’t really like old sayings because they end up ruining my self-wallowing. “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” Yeah, yeah, yeah, give me a break. I’m only human. I don’t want to be depressed but maybe I do.   

A Shower

A shower is much like practice.

I rarely want to do.

I do do.

Always after I feel good.

Sometimes after a shower it’s cold though.

Asteya

Last time on Yoga Blog: Satya, well it was the guns but last yama was stay, broke down the lies we tell ourselves and truth flowed into our lives. Felling the hidden fortifications we constructed around our true-self. Satya, truthfulness. Refresh yourself and reread the last post if you wish and then continue your journey towards Yoga. “Atha Yoganusasanam.”

Third yama!

Asteya! Don’t Steal. Non-stealing. Nothing too fancy with this one in the translating department. Steya can stand for theft, robbery, or anything that can be stolen. As with ahimsa, the “a” reminds to not do or non, non-stealing. Postpone your pilfering and pause your piracy. One engaged in non-stealing will receive wealth in return. “Asteyapratisthayam sarvaratnopasthanam.”

Theft, breaking into a home and stealing jewels and a TV but it is not limited to the action of taking tangible objects from another person. Stealing ideas, time, peace, and opportunity are all things that may get stolen. There are even laws in place to protect such things like copyrights and trademarks. But, beyond logos and characters, if a noisy person or someone who constantly asks questions disrupts a learning experience they steal from those around them. Stealing the opportunity to learn for themselves and others. Stealing the time for contemplation and reflection. Stealing the opportunity to think for themselves.

And, still there is more to be stolen.

The appropriate intention intended for a device, object, person can be neglected and thus their use stricken from them. Looted by caging it a “safe” place. Money has a purpose. It is not be be hoarded and sat on in a dark cave. It wants to keep you well. It wants to help make life better for everyone. If its ability to do so is smothered under the weight of greed; thirteen dwarves and a burglar will liberate it in due time. That art you work on wants to be seen by the world. It wants to lighten someone's day. It wants to speak with others. The vacant lot wants to be played on. It has no need for the no trespassing sign. It wants use. It wants to welcome. Each and every thing has a proper use and wants an opportunity to serve its purpose. Do not rob that opportunity. Let purpose prosper.

Review: Opportunity appears everywhere give it a chance. Be true to your ideas or give credit where credit is due. Robbing and looting is bad.

So Robin Hood* and Aladdin** are bad people? Much like the burglar with the precious ring they play their part. Like the hero Arjuna they too are truthful to themselves, satya. The prince’s taxes stole from those who had nothing to give. That money kept for the greed of a king’s ideals. What other choice was there but to give it back to those in need. A stolen loaf of bread to fight back the mornings hunger. To offer to the starving so good will can continue to be passed from human to human. Oxygen must be swiped from the air to stay standing against hate. Fruit must be plucked from their mother to spread and grow a new.  

Establish yourself in non-stealing and live an anxiety free life. Worries flutter away like a dried leaf in the breeze. Using what you have and sharing when you can. Provide not take. Establish not prevent. Grow, become, prosper.

*I’m pretty sure the real Prince John got a worse rap than he deserved. He took over a kingdom from a brother that campaigned in a war that cost a heavy sum. Therefor he had limited choices. Taxing the people so King Richard could play in his silly war and become a hero probably seemed reasonable to him.

**Disney’s Aladdin, I have not read the proper One Thousand and One Nights and don’t know if there is a thief character.   

***Just a note. The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali from Swami Satchidananda rests near me when I write these brief glimpses into living.

The Three Gunas and Me

Almost to the end of practice. Breathing. Setting up for my nonexistent meditation practice. Then rest which I love and hate. Baddha padmasana to Yoga mudra. Sometimes the ones Manju showed me to padmasana. Hand forms chin mudra. Chin mudra, connecting myself with the true-self. Control over the gunas: sattva, rajas, and tamas —

A brief description of the gunas if you’re not quite sure of them. I’ll start with just translating guna. In English it’s merit, quality, virtue. Our habits. It’s the thread keeping our personal mala together. They’re the aspects of us that in varying degrees create our personality. Each of us containing all three no matter how much we tell ourselves we’re missing one or don’t need one. We attach ourselves or define our lives around the ones we seek. The ones we have aversion to tell us deep secrets if we can just brake past our own blindness. Then it gets deeper.

Sattva, सत्त्व, goblin. Ha! I’m not kidding but that’s not the sattva I’ll be talking about here. I do love though that it can mean goblin, demon, and monster. Sattva is the guna of balance, harmony, goodness. Sure sounds good. That’s all I need, right? Peacefulness, creativity, positivity. I can get attached to that. Come to me balance. Set your roots here.

Rajas the guna of hot. Moving towards action and having passion behind it. Something to get that ego behind. The drive that keeps us an individual. That since the world center around us and that’s how it should be. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad. Sometimes neither.

Cold? Don’t want to move today? Tamas, the guna of down. Darkness rolls in. Chaos disillusions and we fall into inactivity. The imbalances show through the widening cracks and I can’t decide if the laziness, anger, or anxiety make me dull.

These are our three gunas. Our hot, cold, and just right. Then we rest just a bit too long and the family of bears devourer us in that comfy bed.

I sit in padmasana, hands in chin mudra, and the brain works. My gunas I’m attached to are Sattva and Tamas. I strive for harmony. Strive so much I don’t think about how I am trying to achieve it. Usually ends up thinking of others far over myself. If I do what I think they want peace will stay. I have to listen though. What I assume is helpful is sometimes just me not listening correctly. Not really listening for what would really help.

I cower behind false positivity because I think that’s what others want to see. Not showing feeling and locking it deep inside. So deep I can’t see it. Forgetting that I feel. That my feelings matter and won’t get in the way of peace. This is not balance. Not harmony. I am imbalanced. It slides me into inactivity because I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know myself. Anxiety rolls over the darkness inside me that hides all I need to pay attention. I want nothing. I do nothing.

Then the past that shapes us. I grew up in South Florida. Heat and humidity abound. My father’s hot temper. So passionate that his passions blinded him to the happenings around him. Maybe he used them as an escape from the things around him. Self absorbed to occupy the mind from trouble. I built a tolerance to Rajas. Heat don’t bother me. Passions leads towards bad habits. Yet my ego stays strong blinding me to the true needs of others that I thought I was providing for.

I have no control. I don’t know myself let alone a true-self. Seeing this is a start. I guess I’m figuring out who I am. Reaching total loss of control means the only change from there is a bit of the opposite. Control of the gunas. They make up who we are. We view ourselves truthfully and don’t hide from what’s inside. Life is scary, I know, but it can continue and get better.   

Yamas: Satya

Last time on Yoga Blog: We learned Ashtanga means “eight limbs” and yoga is not just moving and twisting. The first of those eight limbs is yama and the first yama is ahimsa. Which means non-harming. Feel free to reread the ahimsa post or read it for the first time. You could also find a copy of “The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali” and start your journey to Yoga now. “Atha Yoganusasanam.”

On to the second yama.

Satya! Truthfulness. The truth, actual, genuine, honesty are all translations of satya. I love looking up the meanings to Sanskrit words. Many times one word can be used in so many contexts. Different but wholly related. I am by no means a learned person of Sanskrit so take what I’m saying with a grain of salt but satya can also have the meanings of reality, dogma, oath, promise. All words with a need for truth in their meanings. Most of them dealing with a certain truth you have to uphold in yourself. Be true to yourself, to your nature. This is about to get a bit personal, just a warning. I thought I was a truthful person. I learned not to tell lies but in doing so taught myself to not speak. Holding back on words and just making sounds that could be an agreement just to get out of having to engage in a conversation and hopefully making the person feel good about what they just said. Definitely not showing my true feelings. I fill myself with these feelings that I would never allow freedom. Giving so many people a false reading that I agree with them. Making people think I heard or understood them when all I wanted was to not engage and dwell in my dark ball of repression. Lying to them with silence and a head nod. Throwing out the occasional false “Yup.” All lies, mostly to myself. And where has it gotten me? To a point that I have forgotten myself. I speak no lies but don’t know my truths. Depression arose. Society became frightful. Imagination wavers. I have lost myself trying to please others. Then learn that trying to please everyone but myself does not work and if I am happy most likely the people I care about would be happy as well. But who am I? Somewhere beneath the stacks of untold truths I must be. No more lies. They bring ruin and collapse. Lies are weak and full of cracks. Building a life atop such an unstable surface is destined to crumble. The root system of satya can grow true life. One of unclouded meaning and happiness. Enough happiness to spread amongst the world.

Lying is not just telling work you’re sick when you’re not. Lying is a mask that can be used to hide behind and die behind alone. Not that satya gives us permission to go forth and ritacuel all we see with truth. It is to be a glowing pilar that can be visited when a friend needs some perspective. An employee that can be trusted with the keys. A different opinion that can take time to listen, understand where the other is coming from, and continue the conversation.

Reality is actual. An oath should keep you honest. A promise is only taken when you can keep it’s truths. Don’t lie and everything you say will be true.     

We need to be true to ourselves. Even if it means killing loved ones in war, says the Bhagavad Gita. It is a great section of a great tale. Eighteen chapters of satya.

You’ll need satya. Satya is what you need.

Speak truths when it is called for. Think truths to learn. Be your true-self or work on it and try to find it. It’s not always easy. But there are others around to help if you are willing to let some of your truth free. Be well, stay true, see you next time on Yoga blog and the yamas continue.

Next Time: Asteya

Yamas: Ahimsa

Ashtanga Yoga: one eighth asana(the positions we put the body in) and not necessarily series one through six. What? Clap, get up and dance Yoga is not just an Indian workout. It’s a special way to live. We’ll get to asana, don’t worry, it’s number three of this eight branched path. Ashtanga translates to “eight limbs” or “eight components.” Ashta or eight. Anga or limb. Got that? Nice, keep following now. If asana is the third what’s the first? What’s the second? Whoa, slowly slowly. Start with the first limb, Yama. Our moral duty to existence, Yama. Yama, a practice achievable by everyone. Status, creed, class, time, physical ability, place does not factor into one’s ability to accomplish the Yamas. Yes, Yama”s.” There are five of them according to Patanjali. Five restraints. Our ability to rein ourselves in. Control, going back to how nature wants us, good humans. Morals you could call them. Those things we all have and should not be blind to. Law built into existence to keep things from crumbling apart. Ahimsa, satya, asteya, brahmacharya, aparigraha: the five Yamas. Start at the beginning. Smile, these are great.

Ahimsa!

Non-harming, don’t harm. The word ahimsa breaks down into “Himsa” which means harm; violence; kill, and “a” which stands for not. Hences not violence, not harm, not kill or non-violence. Still with me? Feel free to go back. It’s okay.

Ahimsa teaches not to harm others, animals, Earth, yourself. No harm through action and thought. Murder harms but this philosophy should be contemplated on deeper. Effort must be put forth on contemplation and understanding of what it means.

Non-harming? Don’t kill got that.

But I live in the cold wilds of the north and sometimes must hunt to have food.

Good, don’t let yourself starve if you can help it. Respect that which helps you survive. No violence but care. Are your actions truly justified? Think, don’t lie to yourself, Satya — we’ll get to that later. Yoga knows you must live and to live certain actions must be taken. Only through living can the cycle of suffering end. Live and learn. Live and learn. Next life different actions can be taken. Same goes with thought. Those cruel words in your head did they pop up from unjustified prejudices or does anger, rajastic and tamasic gunas, need control. Hatful thought burns away at the body just like drinking cola at every meal. A slow steady destruction that can be stopped. Always time to help yourself.

Help? Yeah, help. Helping is not harming. In fact it is the opposite. Ahimsa: to help, protect, keep safe. Yes, cause no harm and help those in need. The struggle of life is real but with help that weight becomes lighter. Everyone carries this burden. Not one single person but all existence has the weight of existing pressing down on them. All help distribute the weight evenly. No criticism for what might have happened my shoulder is here to bare some of the weight. Their shoulder is here. Its shoulder is here. Her shoulder is here. His shoulder is here. We are all here.

Ahimsa, keep us safe.

Next time: Satya   

Manju Jois: Day 1 Second Series and Days 2, 3, and 4

Be sure to take a rest day. I did. Fucking fantastic. Some Surya Namaskars to my neglected pranayama practice to trying to meditate. I’m still coming to terms with the knowledge that this is my practice. It’s for me. We’re not trying to follow blind and pay no attention to how it makes us feel. Asanas used to be prescribed. The series are more a general practice setup in a healthful order. If a specific need is needed there’s an asana for that. There’s a technique for that. These postures each have their own healing bullet points. Learning, which I have to do a lot more, the benefits of the postures gives a practitioner a personal pharmacy. Gives a teacher a way to prescribe asana for ailments.

Oh my belly. Maybe Paschimottanasana.

Oh my hip. Maybe Triang Mukhaikapada Paschimottanasana.

I can form my practice. Form it for what ails me. Form it to how cold I am. Form it to how strong I feel today. Form it to Sun Salutations and some breathing because I’m tired. My practice and I don’t want it to become a chore. I want it to be fun so I look forward to returning to it everyday. I want to be able to return to it. Of course there’s going to be good, normal, and bad days. Such is life. Practice doesn’t have to be a thing that I dread. I can look forward to it because after practice my perspective on the day changes. Not saying that it will stay that perspective but maybe the hint of knowing it can change will rewire me.

The series of postures that form 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and beyond are in a wonderful order. An order that opens the practitioner for the later postures and closes them from the ones before. They can fly right through them or hang out a little longer in the one they feel good in or need. They can pick from the encyclopedia of asanas or a knowledgable person can choose the ones they need for healing. In general the series are great but everyone’s different. Someone may need a specific treatment from an asana that appears in second and another one from 1st. That’s okay. That’s correct.

What a minute. I repeat myself just in a different way.

This asana practice heals the body and can be formed for a specific ailment. Healing, not restricting for no reason. Enjoy. Finish practice and feel good about it. This needs to be a way of life that can grow and change with us. Not a wall someone told us to stay behind. Not everyone will be able to do everything but they might be able or benefit from something. And trying new things is fun and encouraging.

Yoga doesn’t stop at asana. It’s mostly just the gateway drug. Ooooo, I want to be able to do that. I want some stress relief. The healthy body comes but then there’s being a good person. There’s chanting to charge the body with vibration. Mudra to bring connection. There’s pranayama to clear the body. There’s so much to study and to ponder. There is life to live.

I know very little but I do know that being alive and able to feel happiness makes me well. I know that happiness ebbs and flows like the tide but so do the sad, angry, fearful, and aggravating times. Yoga waits for us. Yoga can be the tool to work some shit out or bring it up.

Still I’m rambling. Simple things. Do yourself some good and probably it will help others. Just need to find your good. It’s probably different than mine. We’re not in this alone. There are a lot of people to help. From the person that teaches you yoga to a real doctor. Therapist to a friend. Books and practice. Art and play. I’m scared of life also. It’s not easy but it can be fun. There can be happiness sometimes.

Manju Jois: Day 5 Nonattachment’s For The Monks

Yes, yes great drive. Should have taken a shower before I went. Got to eat Manju’s lunch today, idli and cilantro chutney, and practice was great. Thinking of myself though...not happening in a good way.

As much as some people have tried to push onto me I am not a monk. I am not a buddha. I am not Jesus. I am just me and I struggle with that. All the talking about nonattachment and lose one’s ego affects my vision of myself. You want nonattachment well the easiest thing for me to forget about is me. What do I matter in the grand scheme. People suffer in this world and I’m able to drive to Florida for a yoga workshop. Fuck me. This gets enforced in me with a feeling leaked into the “yoga” world that the ego needs shattering. What if I never had one(I’m sure I do have one don’t get me wrong). What am I shattering with no ego?

I shatter any remaining awareness of my needs. My self crumbles along with my self-esteem, self-worth, confidence. Leaving me to think of others before myself. Which makes my want to put other’s needs in front of mine superficial. Probably just feeding their hungry ego. And everyone’s empty at the end.

I am not a monk. I may have made a good one but not in this life. I have been awarded with the opportunity to spare some devotion for myself. I bet monks even do things to stay happy. Am I? Fuck life right. Life is not easy.

I am not a buddha. I may have made a good one...I’m just kidding. I wouldn’t know the first place to start. I thought it would be kindness but as life goes on I learn that I don’t know the difference between “correct” kindness and facade kindness.

I am not Jesus. I may look similar to how the west depicts the maybe historical maybe not middle eastern figure but I don’t have the confidence to start revolution. You could nail be to a stake for pain does remind me I’m alive.

People loose so many powerful words in the western world. Loose these words without thinking of their effects. Words like forget yourself, be nonattachment, “puff out your kidneys,” or much worse phrases. Some of us take these to heart. A teacher said them they must have meaning behind them. I bring the words into my life. I dig myself into a nice deep hole. Dark to shield my vision. Dark, beginning to forget which way is up. Their is that bright star in the sky that passes over top and reveals the exit. Thankful I do yoga and wish I was some kind of ninja. I may be able to plant my hands and feet on the sides of these dirty walls and climb from this hole. Then plop an outhouse over it and shit in it while thinking of myself and how I can be happy. Through finding myself happiness I show others that it’s possible. Go back to being an example and not a self-prescribed servant. Easy to say.

I am Shiva but we’re all Shiva.